Octomom says doing porn is liberating

This post is going to offend some of you.

When I came across this Huffington Post article about the Octomom buying a home with the money she earned from doing a pornographic film I was shocked.  I, like many of you, watched the interview she did with Oprah in 2010, where in no uncertain terms said that she would never do pornography as a means to feeding her children.  For those of you who did not see that Oprah show, I found the interview on Oprah.com. Here is the transcript specifically discussing Nadya Suleman (Octomom) not doing porn:


Oprah: I heard you were offered an opportunity to do a porn film too.

Nadya: Oh, my goodness. Again, another outlet trying to steal a piece of the situation. I feel as though exploiting me, disrespecting me, that, in turn, disrespects and exploits my children. I personally perceive that to be a publicity stunt. I mean, they have started from the very beginning. Right after I had the babies they were offering that. Really? I mean, I would obviously need the money if I did something like that to move my family to a deserted island far, far, far away from civilization. That is completely unfathomable, obviously.

Oprah: Let's just be clear about this. So you were offered money to do a porn film, and you have turned them down.

Nadya: They have offered this probably three weeks subsequent to the birth of the babies. Maybe at least three times. And I feel as though it's completely, utterly disrespectful to a mother, to anyone who is just trying to survive. I was just catapulted, again, as I mentioned, into this unfamiliar life as a carnival attraction. I never imagined it would end up being like this.

Oprah: Nadya, tell me this: Do you think that you could ever be in the situation where you have 14 hungry mouths to feed and you'd ever have to resort to doing a porn film? Would you do that if you had to feed your children? 

Nadya: If they offered $100 million I would never, never, never resort to something like that. It stems now to boundaries. I'm teaching my children to have healthy boundaries, and there are ways. There are other ways that are much more obviously more respectable.

Now I am not going to pretend that I have never done something I swore I would never do. I can imagine it must have been difficult to decide to do porn after previously saying it was disrespectful to her and her children.  What I find disturbing and shocking is when recently she spoke to Dr. Drew on HLN about the "film", she said that doing porn was "the most empowering and liberating thing I have ever done".  LIBERATING AND EMPOWERING! This is what she considers to be the most empowering thing she has ever done? She later goes on to say "I take full accountability and am proud of it".  PROUD OF IT? This is the example she wants to set for her14 children? She wants her daughters to feel like their bodies are for sale as long as the price is right? She wants her sons to feel like it is ok to objectify woman? She wants her children to be proud of the fact that she is selling her body to strangers? And furthermore it makes her feel liberated?

Is this what our world has come to? A world where taking off your clothes and doing porn empowers women? Where prostituting oneself is considered a liberating act? There is nothing liberating about selling your body for money.  What happened to "teaching my children healthy boundaries"? Did all of her boundaries disappear when someone threw a large sum of money her way? What about the "obviously more respectable" ways of producing income?

As you know I have 3 daughters, and I do not want any of them to think for one minute that I find any type of pornographic activity to be liberating.  If this world is telling them that taking off your clothes is empowering, I am raising them to know that your body as a woman is sacred.  Your body as a woman produces life. As a woman you are able to grow life within yourself and bring it forth into the world. As a woman you are responsible for the nurturing and caring of your family, children and loved ones. It's our honor as women to be able to hold the heart of the family in our hands. Why would we want our daughters to think that empowerment comes from taking off your clothes on camera? We need to raise a generation of women that value their worth. Women are able to do and be anything they want, the sky is the limit in this day and age.  With so many examples of strong, smart, poised and clothed woman around, I hope Nadya Suleman's children can find another empowering role model to look up to.

Stepping off the soapbox for now... 

Take Time to Pause

Have you taken a moment to pause today?

When was the last time you had a moment to just be still and breathe?

These questions forced me to think about the necessity of taking time to pause. Was that something I really needed to do? Why is taking a moment to be still so important to my daily life? If you are anything like me, your last moment of peace is probably a distant memory. As if I don't already have enough to do, now I needed to try and find a moment to sit and be still each day? Not going to happen. I'm way to busy today, tomorrow and next week. Taking a moment to pause would be on my to-do list right between organizing my old photos and learning to sew.

That's how I felt until last week when my baby turned 1. Everyone I knew, myself included, couldn't believe that the 4 pound newborn I brought home from the hospital was already 1 year old. Surely it was just yesterday that she was born! Then it struck me that my first baby, Kelsey, is going to be turning 10 years old in a matter of weeks.  How is it that cute little smarty pants toddler is now a pre-teen? When did the years start flying by like days? I realized in that instant I had not taken enough moments to pause over the last decade of my life. I spend each day rushing kids to school, activities and dentist appointments.  Always racing to the next dance practice or school program. Trying to be there for everyone's next life event but really not being present for any them.

The question is how do you find a moment to pause when all of your time is already taken? I feel like I am already trying to balance Thanksgiving dinner on a salad plate; there is only so much time in the day and as woman our needs are like the dessert after a large meal. It sounds so good but we just don't have room for it. We do so much for our friends, family members and community, why is it we cannot justify taking a moment of pause and peaceful quiet for ourselves each day? If a family member calls who is in trouble we will drop everything to be there to help. If a girlfriend calls crying we stop what we are doing to be that comforting ear to listen.  However, if we do not find peace and quiet in our life we are disregarding our own soul.  We are ignoring our inner need to rest, regroup and re energize our mind with a quiet moment of stillness.  Just to be able to sit, breathe deeply, and be alone with our thoughts will bring a moments peace and tranquility that can carry us through the rest of the chaotic over scheduled day.

As women, let's put ourselves back on our own to do list. Let's prioritize our own well being. We need to make time for us. The first step is taking a moment each day to pause and be still. Block out the world for one minute and connect with your own soul. Breathe. Enjoy the quiet. Take a moment to appreciate life and your blessings. I believe this is the first step in beginning to finding inner peace.  Let's start the journey together. I am willing to put myself back on my own list of priorities. Are you?

Is natural hair being commercialized?

I love my natural hair.

After two years of transitioning and one year of buying and trying every product on the market, we finally have achieved a relationship where my hair and I are both happy and healthy.  It was a long journey filled with tears, triumph and lots of money spent on products that were crap, but it was worth it.  I won't ever go back to being addicted to the creamy crack relaxer.

Having said all of that I feel like there is an untruth not being said about natural hair.  Look at the recent advertising that use black models.  The majority of them use models with so called "natural hair". Their hair is curly, but is it really natural? 

 Is this an effort to try and tell woman who wear their hair natural what is an acceptable natural style?  Is this a ploy to get woman to try to obtain a look that is really unattainable for most? Think about your local beauty supply store.  Shelves and shelves devoted to hair products that promise to turn your curls into luscious, soft spirals that don't frizz.  However if you have coarse, tight curls no amount of product is going to change that.  I have spent hundreds of dollars on hair products trying to get my hair to look like the models above.  In the end I discovered that my curls were NEVER going to look like that no matter what I purchased.  I accepted my curls for what they were and ended the search to find a miracle hair product. 

In this months Essence magazine, Jill Scott will be wearing her natural TWA (teeny weeny afro) on the cover.  There have been published reports that she had to demand to be able to wear her natural hair during the shoot. When Viola Davis wore her natural hair to the Oscars many people thought she did not look formal enough. Why do we think that flowing hair (be it curly or straight) equals formality? Is it because we have been flooded with images from advertisers, tv shows and movies that subliminally tell us what acceptable natural hair looks like?  When will we reach the point where an afro on a woman is acceptable in a formal setting and does not raise any eyebrows?

This is what we are lead to believe natural hair should look like.  Uniform curls that are tamed and in their place.  And while for a small portion of the natural community (and Beyonce is not one of them lets be honest) they may wake up looking like this.  That may be the reality of their natural hair.  However if the reality of your natural hair is something closer to Miss Viola's you should be able to wear your hair without feeling any less formal or looked down upon.

We need to stop trying to conform to the world's standard of beauty. Natural hair is so unique. Each persons curl pattern is different. Unlike straight hair, which is...well its just straight, naturally curly hair looks and feels different on everyone. So whether you rock a TWA, you have long spirals, or you are somewhere in between, wear it proudly!! Embrace what God has blessed you with and show it off!! Let's not let the outside world commercialize our hair and tell us what it should look like!

Is family vacation worth the effort?

Let's call a spade a spade here.

Family vacation is just your regular life in a different location.

That's all.

Family vacation gives you the opportunity to change diapers, break up fights, argue over restaurants, toys, activities, and movies outside of the comfort of your own home.

Or maybe your kids are better behaved than mine.

I just returned from a week long "vacation" with my family in San Diego.  Before we left I had visions of sitting on the beach, with the sun shining warmly on my skin, the breeze gently cooling me off, the palm trees ever so slightly blowing in the wind, while I read my book and watched my children play and laugh.  The weather was even better than I imagined. However the rest of my vision did not come to pass...

My dear children fought over everything from who got the purple sand shovel, to who got to go boogie boarding first, to what beach towel they wanted.  Every meal was wrought with "I don't like this restaurant" or my personal favorite "why can't we just stay at the hotel and go swimming??".  Um excuse me? We brought you all the way to San Diego and you want to spend your day at the hotel pool??

All of this quality family time forced me to ask myself this question: Is family vacation worth the effort? Now stay with me while I explain myself.  While I do feel that children need to see and experience different cultures, places and environments to help them be a more well rounded person, I also struggle with the reality of bringing them on "vacation". Children have schedules. They need naps. They get grumpy. If you have a baby/toddler you are dealing with diapers, strollers, bottles, sippy cups, and picky eaters. You can almost guarantee they will not sleep through the night in the pack n play. When the vacation is over you will most certainly need a vacation from your vacation, not to mention the mountain of stinky, sweaty, dirty laundry that awaits you in your luggage.

So why take on the challenge of bringing kids on vacation with you?

Why not just call your in-laws, drop the kids off to them, and go have a real vacation?

You know the kind where you sleep until noon, order room service, take naps in cabanas, and actually read your book.

Why bring your kids and ruin YOUR vacation?

Well because you don't get smiles like these staying home.

And for that reason and that reason only, I will subject myself to family torture...err vacation...again.

My 2 cents about breastfeeding

Is this

more offensive than this

This article is just the latest story to be released about a breastfeeding mother being asked to remove themselves from a public place because they were nursing.

I have had it so back on the soapbox I go. 

In the aforementioned article, the woman was asked to leave a public kiddie pool because she was nursing her baby. This woman is at a pool, where I am almost positive there were multiple woman, cellulite and all, showing way more than this woman would be by breastfeeding her baby. Why do people go crazy when they see a woman nursing?? Do you know WHY woman have breasts? It is to feed babies!! That is what our breasts are intended to do! Now whether or not you choose to breastfeed is a personal decision. I am not saying that every woman must nurse their baby until they are old enough to ask for a sippy cup. However, I am asking that people stop being so judgmental when you see a woman nursing. There is nothing provocative about it. They are feeding their child. PERIOD. 

Would you like it if while you were eating your sandwich someone shoved a blanket over your head so no one would see you? Or better yet banished you to the car or bathroom so the sight of you eating wouldn't offend anyone? Well that is what you are telling a nursing woman by asking her to leave in order to breastfeed her child.  Never mind the fact that it is a legal right to breastfeed in public, it is just plain rude to tell a woman who is trying to feed her young one to leave because you cannot stand the sight of the top half of her breast.  I see woman with more cleavage hanging out in Target than I ever show while nursing!! I don't see anyone telling the girl with the super low cut v neck tight shirt on to leave. Or worse, the mom with the string bikini and 4 kids at the pool with all of her goodies hanging out. No one is asking her to go anywhere even though she has left nothing to the imagination.

So the next time you see a woman nursing her baby take it for what it is, nourishment!  She is providing her little baby with love, food and comfort. We should all be so lucky!

Stepping off the soapbox...for now.

Who are you?

Who am I?

This question is very haunting if you think about it. I mean really think about it.

Who am I?

Well, I am a wife, a mother, a stay at home mom, a sister, a daughter, a friend. However none of those things are WHO I am.  Those are just roles I play in life; that is WHAT I am, not WHO I am.

Who am I? What defines me as a person and makes me special and unique? What are the talents I have been blessed with? What is my purpose in this life?

Overwhelmed yet. Yeah me too.

I really do believe that each and everyone of us has a purpose. The question is how do we find our true purpose so we can go about doing whatever it is we were created to do? I don't know the answer to that question.  In fact I'm not even close to knowing how to answer that question.

If you asked me to describe myself in one sentence it would go something like this:

I am a kind hearted, loving, outspoken, woman who loves traveling, the beach, my family, is obsessed with cooking, hair products, and loves American Idol.

Hmmmm. Not exactly life affirming but I did only give myself one sentence.

My new goal, in addition to my 1, 2, 3, 4 challenge, is to do some deep soul searching and pondering to try and find my life's purpose. Life is short. I want to go to my grave knowing I gave everything I could to this world and hopefully someone's life was a little bit better by knowing me.

I end this post with a quote from my sometimes funny and very witty husband, "Always remember you are special. Just like everyone else."